Monday, 19 December 2016

ASK THE DOCTOR - My wife lacks an interest in sex?

QUESTION:
I am a 55-year-old man in good physical health and married happily for the last 30 years. I have a good sex drive and desire to have sex as often as I can with my wife of fifty years. However since the last few years, I find that my wife is not taking an interest in sex. After her menopause, she complains of dryness in her vagina which makes it difficult to enjoy sex. Apart from this physical issue, I find that she doesn’t take any initiative in sex and avoids the same on some or the other pretext. As a result, we have sex only once in a fortnight, whereas I desire sex at least twice a week.
- XYZ



ANSWER:
Menopause is invariably wrongly blamed for declining interest in sex in women. The cause for lack of matching interest in sex in partners could be physical, psychological, situational or even out of a so-called religious belief. It is necessary to find out the cause of such sudden loss of interest in sex. Only after knowing the cause, therapy can be planned.

For your information, a woman’s interest in sex depends on the following factors:

Integration of Love and Sex:
A woman operates through her heart. Her sex-life is not separate from the rest of her life. She sees everything in her life as inter-related. As against this, man tends to compartmentalise. He can mentally put aside stressful aspects of his life and separate it from sex. A woman needs good feelings and experiences during the day to have satisfying sex. How her husband treats her out of bed, greatly influences her response in bed. Inattentiveness, harsh language, a rude tone, hurting words, and criticism can make it difficult for a woman to get involved, to feel enthusiastic and to be passionate during sex. It is important for a couple to be loving even when they are not in the sex act. Sexuality and affection cannot be compartmentalised. Good sex is a continuum of affection and closeness during the day.

Lack of Love: This lack of love cannot be blamed on only one partner. Love happens between two sensitive human beings. Both of you need to deeply examine your relationship, either on your own or with the help of a good counsellor. Ask yourself what you can do to bring more depth into your relationship and make it more than sex — a sharing of intimacy.

Satisfaction: The level and frequency of satisfaction that she has experienced in her sexual life. If sex has been a one-sided activity by the man without bothering much about the needs of the woman, then over a period of time, she may lose interest in sex.

Foreplay: If foreplay is not done correctly and adequately, female partners do not feel aroused enough to have intercourse. Many husbands are impatient and want to go for intercourse after a short and hurried foreplay. Such repeated experiences of unsatisfactory sex gradually make the woman lose interest.
It will be better if both of you speak freely on this subject with each other and try to understand each other.

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